she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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