She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize