And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
