3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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