She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
