What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
