Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize