Dual....:-)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
