ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
