tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
