Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
