Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
