Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
