You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
