hotel room ftw
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
