I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
