True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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