every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
