I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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