there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
