I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
