Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize