You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So squirting runs in the family.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
