Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
