We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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