I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize