have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
