He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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