Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
