Duck Duck Cougar?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
