why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
