Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
