Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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