i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
