I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
