Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
