The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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