she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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