and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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