How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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