Betty ford says i'm here all night
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
