So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
