i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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