thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
