I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
