You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
