being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
