Sry I called you an 8
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
