i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
