i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
