she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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