sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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