Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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