Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
