...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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