Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
