I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
