Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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