all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i dont even know how to be here
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
