it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
