the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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