Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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