I just saw a hot homeless man
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
