There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize