She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize