Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
