the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
