Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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