i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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