No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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